Okay, junk food and diets do not mix. I say this like I’ve just had some epiphany. As if my newfound outlook on junk food is going to save the world. As if this little tidbit of knowledge is something new. HA!!
As a woman always on a diet I do a pretty good at resisting the urge to partake in the lusciousness of potato chips, the occasional cookie or cupcake. I take pride in that. But some days, well, they are just better than others.
Take today for example. Some EVIL sales rep, and I put the emphasis on evil, (he might have been Satan himself) decided to bring a box full of donuts into our offices. It’s not bad enough that he brought the donuts into our office, but he decided to put them in our breakroom — just a few steps from my desk.
Having had a long and very hard week, it was enough to put me over the edge.
Only moments after those heavenly sugarcoated, cream-filled and chocolate slathered pastries were placed on the breakroom table, the sweet smell of heaven started making it’s way under the breakroom door and tantalizing my sense of smell. Ohhhh… such sweet contradiction .. heaven and HELL all at the same time. I was being enticed. I was being invited to “reward” myself for making it through another week. It’s fate. It was mean to be.
I sat there trying to ignore it.. trying to ignore the fact that they were there. At the same time, my mouth began to water. I began fanaticizing about just one bite .. .just one bite of an amazingly delicious donut covered with heavenly chocolate. But I still didn’t go.
I felt the sweat on my brow as I began to hear my inner voice saying “Shelly go head, it’s okay. No one will notice that extra roll around your midsection. It’s only a pool party for 20 .. one donut, go ahead take it.”
“No” I kept repeating to myself. “No, don’t do it.” My heart began to race. I sat as if chained to my desk, staring blankly at my computer screen.” I was so focused on ignoring the constant chanting of the donuts beating inside my ear like a bass drum trying to entice me into the donut den of iniquity, that I didn’t notice the steady stream of my coworkers passing by my desk.
Those donuts seemed to have taken on a life of their own and they were filling my every thought with the promise of ecstasy. They were taking me out of the Friday doldrums of work to a place I was sure I wanted, or better yet, NEEDED to go.
By this point I could almost taste it. I could almost feel the creamy chocolate and taste of the mounds of sugar covering each sweet delicacy. I was getting ready to cave. But still I sat. I sat hoping to hang to my last inkling of willpower and hoping that no one was noticing the trouble I was having just to keep my composure. I was so hoping all this hard work, all this toil and turmoil, wouldn’t be in vain. I was going to reign victorious over the call of the donut.
Just when I thought I might make it, that I might win this fight, I felt something take over me. Was it the agony of defeat? Could it be that evil was overshadowing all that is good, and there was a force much stronger then me pulling me slowly toward that breakroom door? I felt my feet move. Oh no, it was happening. I felt the cold of the doorknob as my hand grasped it and turned it with great anticipation. Now that sweet aroma was stronger than ever. I felt it enter my nostrils and fill my body. I was getting closer.
There it was. The box. “Should I? Should I do it?,” I was asking myself. But I already knew the answer. I had to. I was there. It was before me. I was ready to attack that donut like a vicious animal … THE CALL OF THE DONUT. Without thinking, without looking I opened the box and started reaching in to grab the first donut when I realized they were all gone. All that remained were a few crumbs of sugar and just a few signs that the box had once been inhabited by chocolate.
Could this be my fate? Was this what was meant to be? Was I victorious or was I just greatly disappointed that all this anticipation had led to this? Had I entered heaven or hell? What’s a girl to do — quietly and as inconspicuously as possible devour what few measly crumbs are left in the box? Or, should I should enjoy my small victory and think about what could have been?
I must be really tired or really need a life. Enough silliness.